Not so long ago (2019 to be exact), in a galaxy all our own (actually Earth, Sol system).

SPACE FARCE: Trump’s Galactic Brainchild
🚀📉 #Neoliberal #Chaos

In the Year of Our Lord 2018, a visionary leader, Donald J. Trump, peered into the heavens and boldly declared: “We need… space soldiers. Bigly.” Thus, the United States Space Force was born—conceived not in a Pentagon war room, but seemingly in a Mar-a-Lago tanning booth¹.

The announcement came with all the fanfare of a high school pep rally: a slick logo resembling a Star Trek fan club patch and a pitch to “dominate space”². Strategy? Details? Budget? These were obviously concerns for nerds, losers, and generals with too many medals. Real leadership meant vibes.

Trump envisioned an elite fighting force soaring through the cosmos in “beautiful, perfect spaceships”³. In reality, Space Force ended up recycling Air Force personnel and getting assigned thrilling tasks like… satellite maintenance. The soldiers weren’t exactly dodging alien lasers; they were updating PowerPoints in Colorado.

Meanwhile, the budget shrank faster than a pool floatie at a porcupine convention. Despite promising to make America the “envy of the galaxy,” Trump mostly delivered a handful of vague recruitment ads, awkwardly patriotic slogans, and a steady drip of congressional eye-rolls⁴.

Still, Trump remained optimistic. After all, he reasoned, “Nobody knows space like me. Believe me.” And when you’re running a country like a reality TV show, what’s one more fake spin-off?

References
¹ McFall-Johnsen, M. (2020, January 24). The Trump administration’s Space Force is officially a new military branch. Business Insider. https://www.businessinsider.com/space-force-trump-military-branch-2020-1

² Shear, M. D., & Cooper, H. (2018, June 18). Trump calls for a Space Force to oversee military operations in space. The New York Times. https://www.nytimes.com/2018/06/18/us/politics/trump-space-force-sixth-branch.html

³ Johnson, D. (2020, August 8). Trump boasts about the ‘incredible’ Space Force during Ohio rally. USA Today. https://www.usatoday.com/story/news/politics/2020/08/06/trump-space-force-ohio-campaign-rally/3301658001/

⁴ Cohen, Z., & Starr, B. (2020, December 20). Space Force’s actual job isn’t fighting aliens. CNN. https://www.cnn.com/2020/12/20/politics/space-force-future-analysis/index.html

🎬 Coming soon to absolutely no theaters near you…

SPACE FARCE II: THE BUDGET MENACE
🚀📉 #Neoliberal #Chaos

[Deep, gravelly movie-trailer voice]

In a world… where Earth was already a mess…
One man dared to dream… of an even bigger mess… in SPACE.

Donald J. Trump, real estate mogul, reality TV host, and part-time president, launched the Space Force in 2018¹. Not with a plan. Not with a strategy. But with a shiny logo and a huge helping of “we’ll figure it out later”².

Armed with a budget smaller than Melania’s Christmas decorations⁴ and a workforce of confused Air Force veterans, Space Force boldly took on vital missions… like monitoring satellites… designing uniforms… and tweeting inspirational GIFs.

The President, basking under the light of a nearby tanning lamp, declared, “We’re going to MARS. Maybe the MOON. Who knows? Very exciting!”³ Meanwhile, Congress quietly slashed funding like an editor cutting bad dialogue from a sci-fi soap opera⁴.

Space Farce’s tagline?
🌟 “Where No Coherent Policy Has Gone Before!” 🌟

Critics rave:
“An epic odyssey of chaos!” — The Daily Galactic
“Imagine if Star Wars was written by a goldfish.” — The Interplanetary Times
“Technically not a war crime, but close!” — The Geneva Accords Office

This summer… buckle up for a journey so low-stakes, it makes The Phantom Menace look like Saving Private Ryan.

Space Farce II: Because the final frontier needs more branding.

References
¹ McFall-Johnsen, M. (2020, January 24). The Trump administration’s Space Force is officially a new military branch. Business Insider. https://www.businessinsider.com/space-force-trump-military-branch-2020-1

² Shear, M. D., & Cooper, H. (2018, June 18). Trump calls for a Space Force to oversee military operations in space. The New York Times. https://www.nytimes.com/2018/06/18/us/politics/trump-space-force-sixth-branch.html

³ Johnson, D. (2020, August 8). Trump boasts about the ‘incredible’ Space Force during Ohio rally. USA Today. https://www.usatoday.com/story/news/politics/2020/08/06/trump-space-force-ohio-campaign-rally/3301658001/

⁴ Cohen, Z., & Starr, B. (2020, December 20). Space Force’s actual job isn’t fighting aliens. CNN. https://www.cnn.com/2020/12/20/politics/space-force-future-analysis/index.html

🚀🎖️ SPACE FORCE WANTS YOU! 🎖️🚀
#Neoliberal #Chaos

👨‍🚀 Are you a patriot?
👩‍🚀 Do you love America?
👨‍🚀 Have you ever looked at the night sky and thought, “Gee, we should militarize that”?

Then SPACE FORCE is for you!

Join today and you could:
✨ Monitor satellites from a cozy Colorado bunker!
✨ File interstellar paperwork with thrilling precision!
✨ Wear a Star Trek-adjacent uniform designed by a committee that never watched Star Trek!¹

Requirements:

  • Must pass a background check, unless you’re friends with a major donor.
  • Must be able to say “Space is very big” with a straight face.
  • Must not ask about the budget. Seriously. Don’t.²

Benefits:

  • Endless PowerPoint briefings about hypothetical space battles!
  • Occasional photo ops with models of rockets we can’t actually afford!³
  • Discount tanning memberships at participating Mar-a-Lago locations!

Space Force:
🌟 “The final frontier… if we ever get funding!” 🌟

🚀 Apply today! (Or tomorrow. Or whenever Congress figures out what we’re supposed to do.) 🚀

References
¹ McFall-Johnsen, M. (2020, January 24). The Trump administration’s Space Force is officially a new military branch. Business Insider. https://www.businessinsider.com/space-force-trump-military-branch-2020-1

² Shear, M. D., & Cooper, H. (2018, June 18). Trump calls for a Space Force to oversee military operations in space. The New York Times. https://www.nytimes.com/2018/06/18/us/politics/trump-space-force-sixth-branch.html

³ Cohen, Z., & Starr, B. (2020, December 20). Space Force’s actual job isn’t fighting aliens. CNN. https://www.cnn.com/2020/12/20/politics/space-force-future-analysis/index.html

Real talk: Space Force was created by Trump in 2019, mostly for vibes, not because there was an urgent need. It sounded cool — “protecting America in space” — but the plan was mad shaky. It mostly reorganized stuff the Air Force already did, like satellite ops, and got a fresh logo that looked straight outta a sci-fi con. Congress cut the budget fast, and Space Force became a meme instead of a real flex. It’s basically the military’s weird cosplay division now. Stay woke: big moves need big plans, not just branding.