July 27, 2025 | Second City, Occupied Territory — The Democratic Party just got handed a political colonoscopy, and the prognosis? Terminal midwit syndrome.

According to a new Wall Street Journal poll, 63% of Americans now view Democrats unfavorably, the worst rating since we started pretending centrist technocracy was leadership. The GOP—yes, the same brain trust that tried to overturn an election with PowerPoint—now leads in voter trust on the economy, immigration, and foreign policy (Levy & McCormick, 2025). Somewhere, a tech bro is coding a “Why Men Hate Libs” app.

So who’s to blame? The circular firing squad begins now.

Suspect #1: The Tech Bros

You know the type. Vapes. V-necks. VC-backed values. These crypto-fluent, empathy-deficient founders have shaped the Democratic brand like they shape their biceps—badly and with too many supplements. Tech-centric policies that center the algorithm instead of the average person have turned the party into a TED Talk with a side of layoffs (Wikipedia, 2025a).

Suspect #2: The “Toxic Masculinity” Spiral

Democrats tried to ban the term “man up” and somehow wound up alienating every man under 40. Focus groups show young men feel ignored, scolded, and gender-splained into silence. Even progressive strategists now admit the phrase “toxic masculinity” might sound more like an insult than a cultural critique (Reddit, 2025).

So naturally, Republicans are reaping the benefits with all the charisma of a shotgun wedding in a Cracker Barrel.

The $20 Million Revelation

The Dems spent $20 million and two years on a “Young Men Listening Tour” (aka group therapy with a pollster). The result? Young men said they feel invisible. They see GOP leaders as confident, if morally bankrupt. Democrats? Well-meaning hall monitors in a school no one wants to attend (Barrón-López, 2025).

Don’t Forget Murc’s Law

When Democrats govern, they’re responsible for every injustice from Gaza to Grindr. When Republicans rule? We’re told it’s just “cultural drift.” Democrats can’t catch a break—even when the GOP breaks the Constitution (Wikipedia, 2025b).

Or Maybe It’s the Whole Vibe

Let’s be honest: the Democratic Party’s vibe right now is Apple keynote mixed with a lecture on pronouns. The base is tired of fundraisers hosted by Silicon Valley feminists married to hedge fund sociopaths. You want voters back? Start talking like people, not LinkedIn influencers.

Final Diagnosis:

The Democratic Party didn’t lose the plot. They outsourced it to McKinsey. And now voters want the story rewritten—preferably with fewer buzzwords and more backbone.

Until then? Toxic bros, tired branding, and two-party stagnation will keep this dystopian sitcom rolling.

APA Citations:
Barrón-López, L. (2025, June 3). Democrats spent two years studying young men. Here’s what they learned. Politico. https://www.politico.com/news/2025/06/03/democrats-young-men-study-00384370
Levy, A., & McCormick, J. (2025, July 25). Democrats get lowest rating from voters in 35 years, WSJ poll finds. The Wall Street Journal. https://www.wsj.com/politics/elections/democratic-party-poll-voter-confidence-july-2025-9db38021
Wikipedia. (2025a). Tech bro. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tech_bro
Wikipedia. (2025b). Murc’s Law. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Murc%27s_law
Reddit. (2025). What do you think is actually the major reason men are turning away from Democrats? r/AskALiberal. https://www.reddit.com/r/AskALiberal/comments/1l42dd8/what_do_you_think_is_actually_the_major_reason/