CHICAGO — July 28, 2025

Let me put it to you this way, like my Uncle Lou used to say when he was two High Lifes deep and watching the Bears lose again: “You know it’s bad when the Canadians start giving you the stink-eye.”

That’s where we are, folks. Up in the Great North, the land of hockey and healthcare, people have just about had it with our nonsense. They’re building firewalls—real, digital, emotional, political—to keep out the fascist flood seeping south to north like Lake Michigan after a heavy rain. And you know what? I don’t blame ’em.

The North Side of Sanity

While we were down here trying to figure out how to spell “QAnon” without licking a flagpole, Canada was passing the Digital Sovereignty Act to keep American conspiracy goop off their TikTok feeds (Canada Parliament, 2023). They weren’t trying to ban books or inject bleach — they were busy protecting democracy like it was maple syrup in February.

They watched January 6 unfold like the rest of us, only they didn’t change the channel. They took notes. Prime Minister Trudeau called it “deeply troubling,” which in Canadian is basically the equivalent of “get bent, you fascist goons” (The Globe and Mail, 2021).

Now they’re looking at us like the guy yelling at pigeons in Grant Park, and asking, “Do we really want to share a continent with that?”

The View from the South Side

Here in Chicago, we know a few things about standing up to fascists. We saw Rahm Emanuel try to sweep Occupy under the rug and said, hell no. We saw Trump send goons to Portland and said, not in this city, pal. You want to talk about resistance? Try growing up in Chicago under five mayors, three indictments, and two snowstorms. We know how to fight back.

So while half this country is too busy deepthroating authoritarian Kool-Aid, the other half—us, and yeah, the Canucks too—are trying to hold the damn line.

Meanwhile, Back at the Moose Ranch…

Canadians didn’t just shrug this off. They reacted. When Trump put up the Muslim ban, they said, “We’ll take your refugees.” When he slapped tariffs on aluminum, they stopped buying American bourbon. That’s not just diplomacy, that’s blue-collar spite with a passport.

And when COVID hit, they slammed the border shut so fast we could hear the locks click in Detroit. Good call, honestly. We couldn’t even find masks while they were distributing vaccines and free poutine.

Now they’re rejecting our tech platforms, scorning our elections, and side-eyeing our media like it’s a used car salesman offering a Dodge Neon as “freedom.”

Closing Time at the Bar

Look, this ain’t about patriotism. It’s about basic survival. The MAGA cult is dragging the rest of us into the sewer—and the Canadians are saying no thanks, eh.

And us Chicagoans? We’re right there with ’em. We’re sick of the jackboots, the gun show cosplay, and the reality-TV politics. So if Canada wants to resist, let’s remind them: we got pockets of resistance right here too. On the L, in Pilsen, down in Hyde Park, over in Logan Square—we ain’t all gone.

Just don’t expect us to say “sorry” if we burn this fascist rot down on our way out.

APA Citations:

Canada Parliament. (2023). Bill C-75: Digital Sovereignty Act. House of Commons of Canada. https://www.parl.ca/DocumentViewer/en/44-1/bill/C-75/first-reading

Globe and Mail Editorial Board. (2021, January 7). The attack on the U.S. Capitol is a warning for Canada. The Globe and Mail. https://www.theglobeandmail.com/opinion/editorials/article-the-attack-on-the-us-capitol-is-a-warning-for-canada/

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