October 13, 2025 — Justice Department Cafeteria, “Do Not Enter” Level — Let’s all calm down and accept the facts, folks:
There are two tiers of justice in America.
And you’re not on the good one.
You? You park two inches past a curb, you get a ticket.
Trump? Tries to overthrow the government, and they ask if he wants a Diet Coke during the arraignment.
There’s the Justice for Billionaires Package™, which includes:
- Pre-pardons
- Delays long enough for Alzheimer’s to set in
- Judges who donate to your campaign
- Fox News panelists who call your indictments “spicy politics”
And then there’s the Justice for the Rest of You:
- Plea deals if you might have been near a protest
- Ten years for shoplifting if the judge skipped lunch
- Bail set higher than your annual salary
- And a lifetime subscription to “Sorry, the system failed you”
Let’s be honest.
Trump could murder someone on Fifth Avenue.
We all remember when he said it.
The punchline was that he was right.
He hoards classified documents?
“He just loves souvenirs.”
He incites a violent coup?
“Strong emotions on both sides.”
He fakes business documents, cheats taxes, bullies election officials, and makes hush-money payments?
“Let’s not get political.”
Meanwhile, back in Real America:
- Steal diapers: felony.
- Miss child support: jail.
- Smoke a joint: still a crime in 12 states.
- Live in poverty: permanent record.
But Trump? Trump is too big to jail.
Not because he’s innocent —
but because the American justice system gets vertigo when it looks up.
You want proof?
Ask yourself: If you had done what he did…
Would you be on your third golf game this week, or sleeping on concrete in a cell they forgot to clean since Bush was in office?
We’re not even pretending anymore.
It’s two systems.
One for the rich, connected men who commit crimes on camera —
and one for everyone else who might’ve once thought about jaywalking.
But don’t worry.
They’ll still say “no one is above the law”
— right before they invite him back to host SNL.
Occupy 2.5 