January 6, 2029 — 40th Floor, Mar-a-Lago Tower of Salvation and Steakhouse — The Lord has returned, and his name is Donald John Trump—savior of golf, prophet of fast food, and Supreme Bishop of the Eternal Truth & Real Estate Fellowship™.

It’s not a campaign anymore. It’s not even a grift.
It’s a full-blown religion.

Tax-free, bulletproof, and fully endorsed by every confused televangelist who thinks Jesus was white and carried an AR-15.

Welcome to The Church of Trump the Eternal

Tenets of the Faith include:

  • Original Sin: Not voting for Trump in 2020.
  • Salvation: Monthly donations starting at $6.66.
  • Heaven: A gated Florida community with no immigrants, no taxes, and a 24-hour tanning bed.
  • Hell: The state of Georgia, any courtroom with a Black woman judge, and the CNN green room.

Holy Sacraments:

  • Communion: A Big Mac and a Diet Coke, blessed by a QAnon shaman.
  • Baptism: Performed in a golden Jacuzzi, using Trump-branded vodka.
  • Confession: Via Truth Social DMs, auto-forwarded to Roger Stone.
  • Indulgences: Sold in the lobby. Comes with a free hat and presidential pardon.

Gospel According to Don

  • “I am the Way, the Lie, and the Campaign Finance Violation.”
  • “Blessed are the Proud Boys, for they shall inherit the livestream.”
  • “Suffer the children to come unto me—unless they’re immigrants, then deport ‘em.”
  • “The meek shall inherit nothing unless they hustle NFTs.”

Church Hierarchy:

  • Archbishop Giuliani: Speaks in tongues (mostly liquor).
  • Saint Ivanka: Virgin of Neiman Marcus.
  • Reverend Kushner: Collected thirty billion shekels and vanished.
  • Disciples: Flynn, Stone, Greene, and the Ghost of Nixon.

Every Sunday, parishioners chant “LOCK HER UP” as the opening hymn. The choir wears red hats. The offering plate accepts Bitcoin, gold bars, and classified documents.

Don’t Like It?

That’s because you’re part of the Deep Faith. The enemies of the Church include:

  • Librarians
  • Fact-checkers
  • Nurses
  • Professors
  • The Pope
  • Women with opinions

But don’t worry. The Church of Trump the Eternal has a place for you.
Right under the escalator. Near the gift shop.

You can repent. You can tithe. You can wear the merch.
But you can never leave.

Because salvation isn’t free.
And neither is freedom anymore.

https://endfascism.xyz