By Your Faithful Satirist, March 19, 2025

In an unprecedented event marking the culmination of decades of ignored warnings, a group of renowned intellectuals and financial gurus came together at the illustrious Club Obscurity last Friday to celebrate their collective neglect. Unfortunately, the party was a resounding flop, as a staggering number of invited guests opted for an evening of binge-watching reality TV over engaging in the fascinating world of cyclical history.

Keynote speaker William Strauss, co-author of the best-selling The Fourth Turning, was enthusiastic as he attempted to make his case for discussing the impending Fourth Turning, where we, supposedly, hope to see a great transformation. “This is vital information, folks! We’re just a few steps away from societal chaos!” he proclaimed. Yet, instead of a concerned crowd, he was met with tumbleweeds rolling through the sparsely populated venue.

Morris Berman, author of Dark Ages America, offered his take in a nearby corner, seeking attention with passionate assertions about America’s impending marginalization. “We’re on a crash course with history!” he shouted, while guests made a beeline for the snack table, blissfully indifferent to the heavy existential implications of his message.

Kevin Phillips, the former Republican strategist, attempted to captivate attendees with cautionary tales about the dangers of global overreach and ballooning debt. “Can I interest anyone in a chat about political vulnerability?” he asked, waving a flier emblazoned with colorful charts. A nearby group quickly redirected their interest to TikTok dance trends, and Phillips sighed, realizing he was officially yesterday’s news.

Adding a sprinkle of irony, none other than Warren Buffett chimed in from the sidelines, stating his class was winning the ongoing class war—a lamentation that echoed throughout the dimly lit room, competing against the upbeat theme of a popular dating show on a nearby TV screen. “Incredible irony!” Buffett proclaimed, only to be met with laughter from patrons guffawing over the latest mishaps of the show’s contestants.

As the event slipped into oblivion, the gathering became a tableau of neglected wisdom. Here we had some of the brightest minds warning about civil unrest and societal upheaval, only to find themselves sidelined while guests mingled over hors d’oeuvres and critiques of influencer lifestyles.

When the evening ended, Strauss and Howe pulled out a banner that read, “We Told You So! Now Can We Talk?”—but alas, nobody noticed. They promptly dubbed it a “Neglect Holiday,” celebrating their status as members of the exclusivity club of ignored prophets.

Thus, the world spins on—undeterred, uninterested, and undeniably entertained. Keep your head high, dear prophets, for one day when the crisis strikes, perhaps those “down the rabbit hole” will be reaching for that megaphone after all. For now, let them feast on the victories of their socially distanced lives, while you cozy up with your deeply insightful, yet tragically overlooked, literary masterpieces. Stay tuned for updates… or don’t. It appears no one else will.