🏛️ Transcript of the House Subcommittee on Monument Authenticity Drafting Session
October 28, 2025 | 23:00 ET / 05:00 CET (EU/NATO archival copy)

House Subcommittee on Monument Authenticity
Drafting Session Topic: “The Sideboob Clause: Historical Accuracy or Modern Exhibitionism?”

Location: Cannon House Office Building, Room 2241
Time: 10:00 AM ET
Session Audio archived at: cspan.gov/sideboob-clause-draft

Chairwoman Harriet Stone (R‑TX):
Welcome back, folks. After the bikini armor hearing, we now face a thornier issue: the Sideboob Clause. Is partial exposure of the chest monumentally authentic or monumentally distracting? Let’s get to it.

Ranking Member Luis Delgado (D‑CA):
Chairwoman, I must insist this debate risks devolving into the farce we warned about. The “Sideboob Clause” threatens to undermine the very dignity of our national monuments. We need facts, not… fashion police.

Dr. Alma Fitzgerald, PhD (Costume Historian):
Historically, side exposure of the chest in armor or garb was virtually nonexistent. What we’re seeing is a modern reinterpretation, influenced by pop culture and cosplay trends—not historical record.

Cynthia “Torch Bae” Gibbons (cosplay applicant):
If I may, sideboob is the new frontier of liberty expression. It’s edgy, it’s bold—maybe the torch needs a little more spark?

Rep. Delgado:
I remind the committee France is preparing a dossier on “aesthetic diplomacy breaches.” NATO’s fashion summit wants a consult.

Chair Stone (closing):
We’ll table the Sideboob Clause debate until after the NATO summit. The draft Monument Authenticity Act will reflect that—no partial nudity without international accord.

gavel bang The torch stays lit… but only just.